November 26, 2007

It has been so long sense I have wrote, but life has been a blur. Thanksgiving was sad but pretty ok all in all. Starting that day I have been really sad at night and missed Jay so much. Sunday will be one month sense he was born and I am spending it with my inlaws. I feel like I have to be ok and perfect for them, but how do I do that? My baby is gone and no one seems to care. Ok, not no one. Everyone I have “met” online is so supportive. They have gone to Jay’s website and posted the nicest things. No one I know in real life has done that. They just don’t seem to care. How can everyone just not care that Jay is gone? How can they be so cold? Last night I got my period back, or at least what seems to be it, so that means we can start really trying again. I’m not sure how I feel about it. I’m kind of numb to the whole thing. Numb to being pregnant again, numb to life. I just keep thinking I’m done with “this” I just don’t know what “this” is yet or how to be done with it. Maybe I’ll figure it out, but for now I’m not even going to try.