December 5, 2007

(I posted on a message board today) (post one) I am losing all hope of a Christmas BFP. I don’t see how it can or will happen. Ok, let me explain (TMI) On Sunday Nov 25th I started AF. It was light- med until Wed Nov 28th when it got heavy. It hasn’t stopped or even slowed down sense. So aside from the yuck factor and the fact that I have felt horrible for about 11 days now with no end in site, how in the world can I BD when moving causes a “waterfall” effect?? Ok I’m going to stop now because this is really gross So much for that Christmas present I guess. (post two) So I called the dr today because I just felt like something more is going on. The nurse told me that an 11 day heavy AF could be normal, but asked the dr anyway just to be sure (not my dr the other one in the office) and the dr said it very well could be normal but to come in and they would fit me in as soon as I got there. So I went and she did a pap, an U/S, and blood work. I learned a few things though- 1) it still hurts when people ask me how far along I am or if I'm making a prenatal appointment (nurse and receptionist) 2) it doesn't hurt as much to say that my baby died 3) my stomach hurts when touched or when a pap is done 4) U/S are "slightly" painful (is it wrong that I hoped to see a heartbeat or that for a sec I thought I did?) and 5) I have an infection. So now I am on 2 kinds of pills and have been told no alcohol at all (not even the amount in cough syrup) or I will be throwing up. Oh, and my lining is very thin so no idea where all the blood is coming from. I have been told to see my Dr on Tuesday and if the bleeding gets worse or I start to have flu like symptoms or just feel sicker then I do right now to call because I might have to get an IV for stronger stuff. At least now I have a possible reason for what happened to Jay because the dr told me that this probably has been "stewing" for awhile now. The meds I have been put on are Levaquin 500 MG, one pill a day and Metronidazole 500 MG 2 pills a day, both for 14 days. One Tuesday I go to see my doctor for a follow up to make sure that I am starting to get better. Maybe I can be lucky enough that the bleeding will stop by then too. (yea, right) I have also started taking my temp again in the morning to chart my BBT and I bought some ovulation prediction kits (OPKs) so that I can try to pin down if/when I ovulate and that way know if I could get pregnant this month and get a Christmas BFP (positive pregnancy test ) although it seems very likely that I will not get the chance to BD ( have sex to get pregnant) before that happens because of the bleeding. It’s days like today that I wonder if I should just get my tubes tied and be done with it. I want a baby. I want Jay back, but I know that is impossible so I just want a baby. Hopefully a girl, not just because I want a girl but because then there will be no doubt that the baby is not Jay. Bryson and Alex have decided that the next baby will be God giving us back Jay and no matter how much I tell them that is not the case they don’t believe me and want to name the next baby Jay. How do you tell a 6 and 5 year old that it doesn’t work that way? I have tried telling them that we can’t give Jay’s name to another baby just like we can’t give their name to another baby, but they think it would be cool if another baby had the same name as them. Ugh.