To my readers

To anyone that is reading this blog, I thank you for taking the time to do so. Maybe some of you know some one that has felt this, maybe you have felt it yourself, maybe you know me, or maybe you just happened to find to find this blog one day and got caught up in Jay's Story, my story I guess. I have tried really hard to only post my raw and true feelings without sensoring anything. What would be the point of writing all of this if I sensored the truth? I try really hard to not go back and read any of my posts because when I read them I want to change them, to make them sound better, or to take something out completely that could be read wrong. I promised my self that I would never do that with Jay's Story. To do that would take away from what I want people to know. The sad truth is that only 2% or less of pregnancies end in the second trimester. That seems like such a small amount doesn't it? But to that 2% or less it seems huge, and those that have been there know what I'm talking about. Jay's story started not just because I lost Jay but because I couldn't find anything about some one that had been there. I felt like I was the only one that had ever been there. Then I found a board online that was for support in losing a baby. On that board there was a thread for 2nd and 3rd trimester loss. I found out that it wasn't just me. Many woman had felt that pain and thought that they too were all alone. I write this not just for me, but for all of them and for every woman yet to come. This isn't jsut about losing a baby as late as I did, no matter when you lost your baby it feels the same. I don't think I have it worse then some one that knew for only a few days before they lost their baby. It is the same to me. I know others don't feel that way, and I won't pretend to understand why they feel that way. I hear all the time "I lost a baby in the first trimester and I know that doesn't compare to your loss" Sure it does. You lost a baby and I lost a baby. Why does age/gestation matter. To them their baby was real and to me Jay was real. The only reason Jay has a name is because Chas and I had decided on it when I was 7 weeks pregnant. We would name the baby after his dad, boy or girl. For a boy it was James and for a girl Jamie, well it just seemed natural to me to shorten the names to Jay and so it stuck. Even now I don't think of him as James Cayden I think of him as Jay. It's wierd to me to see his real name instead of his nick name actually. To me he will always be Jay and to his brothers he will be too I'm sure. I would like to tell all of the readers that I'm sorry I don't post as much as I should or even want to. There are so many days that I really want to pot but jsut don't have the time to. Ok, everyday I want to post and don't get the time to. Especially now I want to post every day to tell how the pregnancy is going and how losing Jay has effected that yet there isn't enough time. Hopefully I will start being able to post at least once a week to catch everyone up. On Monday June 16, i have another U/S and so I will have to make sure I post about it ASAP, but don't expect a post until late Monday or on Tuesday as my appointment isn't until late on monday and then I will go straight to school after.
Again Thank you to everyone reading this blog. I hope so much that it is helping someone out there, anyone. If I can reach just one person, just one, and let them kow they are not alone, then I have done a very good thing and losing Jay meant something. He had a purpose and he fullfilled it.