June 14, 2008

To everyone that keeps aking if I want a girl and the people that tell me I have to have a girl or that they hope I get a girl- YES, I WANT A GIRL BUT I REALLY JUST WANT TO BRING HOME A HEALTHY BABY!!!!!! Ok there I said it. But it's not for the reasons everyone thinks (which is why this fits in Jay's story) I want a girl so that no one can tell me we have to give him Jay's name because Jay was just a miscarriage, I want a girl so no one, not even me, is going to be thinking or wondering if that is what Jay would have been like or looked like. I don't want ot have to worry about being afraid that life is going to repeat itself because I'm having another boy. I don't want to have myself or anyone look at the new baby and think even for a second that he is Jay or that he could be Jay come back to me. I want a girl so that I will never ever compare the new baby to Jay or so that no one can say I replaced Jay. You can't ever replace a child, ever and I don't want anyone to think that is what we did. This baby is here because it is meant to be here. It is it's own person, not in anyway Jay and I want to make sure everyone knows that.