June 16, 2008

I CAN'T BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!
6 hours........6 hours.......6 hours....... That's all that's left until the U/S, until that horrible U/S that tells you life or death......The moment that you know that time stands still and you can't think, you can't feel, you can't do anything but stare at a screen as they put the goop on your belly and wait and watch for a flicker a blink any movement and all too often people see none..... I don't think I can do this, sure I have friends that are taking me and will gladly go in with me if I want them to, but I think I have to do this on my own. I think I have to face this by myself. I just can't breathe. I don't want to go, I don't want to do this. I'm just going to go climb into bed and pull the covers over my hed and live in denial. Yea, thats it. If I don't go I never have to know either way and I don't have to let go should I have to. If only I could. Chas would never let me get away with it, niether would my friends that are picking me up....Maybe I'll just call and tell them not to come, tell them that I'm going to go by myself and that I'll just meet them at school, yea that's it and then I'll just forget to go. Yea. Ok I know I sound crazy, but I don't care! I can't do this I just can't go there when I know that those things tell people their dreams are gone, their baby has no life. I can't go through that again. I've done it twice now I can't do it again I just can't....I can't..