May 28, 2008

I can't breathe. I really can't. I feel like I'm drowning with nothing to grab onto and now more so. I don't know how I feel today. I took a pregnancy test today just to get it over with expecting it to be negative and instead it said pregnant (it was a digital) I gasped when I saw it. I had to look at it 4-5 times and even now I will go look at it several more today I'm sure. I just can't believe it. I feel so many things at once. Did I do the right thing in trying again? Is the same thing going to happen again? Can I handle it if it does? Will my baby be ok? How do I tell people? OMG what have I done.... Does this mean I really have to move on and let Jay go? Now people are really goin to forget about Jay more then they already have. Sigh. I have a lot of thinking to do. I haven't even told Chas yet and I don't know how to.