Oct 31, 2008

I haven't been avoiding posting, I promise. I really wanted to post yesterday but I was way to busy. Even at that I only have a moment so this will be quick, but I will be back on Sun to make a really good post.

So yesterday made one year frm when I found out Jay was gone. I was ok for the most part. I was at the school with Lex for his Halloween party (because they don't have school today) so I had a moment were it hit me that last year I was at Bry's halloween party with Jay inside me but gone...Then last night at school it hit me hard. I was sitting in class and out of no where I couldn't breathe. I felt like I was being crushed. It was right before break and so I kept telling myself I jsut had to make it until then. As soon as we went to break I ran out of the room and outside for air. It was all I could think of doing. I got outside and started to hyperventalate (sp?) and almost passed out. I had to tell my teacher and be late getting back from break. Thankfully he understood and gave me the few minutes extra I needed to pull myself back together. So anyway, For the most part I am ok. I'm starting to wonder if we will ever have another baby or not and that makes it even harder to get through this weekend, so I try to not think about it. I have so many friends that are standing by my and holding me up (you all know who you are and thank you so much!) Even the friends I don't see or talk to very much, I know you are there. So many are pulling for me and Chas and I am greatful. Thank you every one.

One last thing before I go, we are on our last month of being able to safetly try to get pregnant because of classes I have in Dec and I'm not sure the path we will take after that so please be thinking about us and praying/hoping I know the right choice to make should I have to make it.