Nov 13, 2008

Letting go....

So this was our last month of trying for another baby, and even though the month isn't over yet I don't think it really matters. I'm in what chat rooms call the tww or two week wait. Which just means that Im in the 2 weeks before my period should start. Actually I'm in the last week before it should start, at least close to it, and while this month was a good, maybe even great, attempt for getting pregnant I have no hope of it happening. I jsut don't feel like it worked out. So now I have to let go and say good bye to having anothr baby. It just wasn't meant to be. I have a great thing right now. I have 4 wondeful boys, a wonderful husband, I'm graduating in 5 more weeks, and then I will be able to get a job and life will work out great.

So why does it hurt so much knowing that this is the end?? All I wanted was another baby, maybe twins. Yet instead I got my heart broken twice...I want my Jay and Peanut but I know that's not possible, I jsut dn't understand why I can't have another baby at all...

Maybe I need to end this blog here. I was originally going to go for a year anyway and that time has past so maybe now is the time to say good bye to not only having another baby but to Jay and Peanut and their story as well...I don't know. I was hoping there story would have a happy ending, but my life doesn't seem to have very many if any of those... I don't know if I'm going to blog anymore...maybe it is time to end it before it gets any sadder then it already has been... Maybe I should leave it up to anyone who reads this, if anyone reads this. I started this blog to let others know they are not alone. That was the whole point. Maybe I'm not really helping anyone though...maybe, just maybe, all I'm doing is writing things that no one wants to hear.

So if anyone is reading this and you want me to keep blogging Jay and Peanut's story post a comment and let me know other wise I guess this is the end of the story...

Thanks to anyone that listened and sent thoughts my way.