Sept 15, 2008

I had another dream last night. Only this one had a date. Tuesday the 30th although I don't know what month. Sadly the dream didn't mention that part. I took an HPT (preg test) and it was a really high tech one that gave you HCG numbers instead of just positive or neg. It even told you how far along you should be based on the numbers. Anyway, the numbers were really really high for what they should have been but it was a positive none the less. I know it was a Tues the 30th because I pulled out the calender on my phone to figure out how far along I really was supposed to be and I thought it was the 8th but Chas told me it was really the 30th and when I went to the 30th it was a Tues. Ugh. Well I guess I know that should I get pregnant again I will find out on a Tues the 30th. Now to find out when all of those are....
And yes I know Sept 30th is a Tues this year. I already looked.

Sept 7, 2008

So I think the bleeding is gone. I hope at least. There has only been a little brown spotting yesterday and today and even that has been hardly at all. I could only hope it is gone I guess. But if it is it means it's on to trying again I guess. I'm excited and scared all at the same time. I know this is in God's hands and not my own. I know I have to just let go and have faith that some day I will understand at that everything will work out the way it is meant to work out. Now if only I can make it to that day. If only I can be strong enough to get there. With any luck, I will be. Please everyone be thinking about us and praying that whatever is meant to be we will be strong enough to make it through.

Sept 3, 2008

So it looks like the bleeding isn't going to stop anytime soon. It seems to be getting worse not better. This sucks! It's been going for 6 days now and seems to be getting worse not better. If it doesn't stop by Sun I'm going to just assume that I won't O this month and not bother trying like I'm planning on. By Sun it will have been going for 10 days so the chances of me O'ing are pretty slim at that point. I had another dream last night though about being pregnant. I know that some day I will have another baby, I just hope I'm strong enough to travel the road that will get me there. In the dream it was winter just like in the last one and I was going to the dr to hear the heartbeat and I was really upset because I couldn't feel the baby moving. As soon as I heard the heart beat I started to feel the baby move alot. As the dream wet on I was talking about asking the dr to induce me at 38-39 weeks because I wasn't sure if my heart could take waiting after losing the last 2. Then I was having contractions while I was on the phone with someone. They hurt so much I slid off the bed and onto the floor to try sitting and making them not hurt as much just like I have done in the past. It seemed so real. It was just like it would be if Chas and I were sitting on the bed talking about this stuff or feeling the baby move. It was so real that for a moment after I woke up I really thought I was pregnant. I can't wait for the day that I can feel another baby move inside me and hear their heart beating away with a doppler. I want a baby so badly and I wonder if all my dreams are just because of that or if they really are God talking to me. I choose to believe that it is God giving me hope. Other wise why would so many of my dreams come true? Sure there are some that seem really out there and those never come true, but the ones that seem so real usually do come true at some point. Now if only I can be strong enough to wait for that day to come....